Questions Best Not Asked

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Indraprastha Hotel, Palakkad, India

Dear kids,

I know you will find this hard to believe, especially coming from me, the one who constantly assaults you with a barrage of questions about everything from why your trigonometry homework grade is a zero to where you are headed in the future to your opinion about George Orwell’s 1984.

But the truth is, there really are questions best not asked. Especially in India, I think.

Here is my list:

Why do the armed guards poke metal detectors in the plants at the Indira Gandhi International Airport Domestic Shuttle waiting lounge at 2 AM?
What is the material that comprises the runway of the Mumbai airport? Why does it feel as if we landed on a washed-out gravel road in northern Delaware County, Indiana?

Why there are mothballs in the sink at the Indraprastha Hotel?

What doesn’t the glass door to the balcony in my hotel room close completely at the bottom?

Are the three-inch lizards afraid of people- especially people who are sleeping somewhat soundly?

How many people per month are killed in auto accidents because no one follows the rules of the road? Wait…there are no rules of the road. Why are there no rules of the road? And why aren’t there any lines for lanes and few traffic lights, at least in Palakkad and neighboring areas, and no stop signs? How many people would be killed annually if there were no horns on vehicles?

These are the biggies.

Then, I have also come to realize, probably much to your benefit, that there are also other questions that are simply not polite to ask. Such as the following:
What do the men of Kerala wear underneath their skirts?

What exactly is the purpose of having the plastic 4-cup measuring cup in the restrooms in relation to the huge bucket that is also present? I think I know what is usually done with the small measuring cup, but it is the bucket that perplexes me.

Why is there a predominance of sinks in restaurants for washing the hands, but rarely soap and towels?

And finally, there is the list of questions that with a little bit of pondering, I can figure out without having to confirm my ignorance to anyone else:

Why does no one ever need to take a potty break while driving or shopping?
There is simply no liquid left in the body after a day’s work to need to use a toilet. It has all been excreted through the pores.

How do the mosquitoes get so big?
There is never any cold snap from winter to kill them, so they keep feeding on all the blood of the humans nearby to grow and grow and grow.

Why are the students so eager to greet me, talk with me, and get my autograph? I have noticed that the television programs imported from the US tend to feature the most negative aspects of American culture that seem enticing to young people. They feature ridiculously sleazy scenarios depicting high school students and adults who live in a fantasy world, not the reality of everyday American life. Initially, I probably represent that culture to the kids.

Why do Indian schools with their formal, and, some might say, outdated pedagogy and facilities produce higher achieving graduates with superior language skills and retention of cognitive information than American schools do? I suspect that most Indian students know that their ticket to success is based on their academic achievements. They also know that they are lucky to be able to receive an education, as not all Indian children currently do. A free and compulsory education is becoming a right in India, but the sad reality is that it is not a right that all children are able to exercise due to lack of good teachers and schools. The streets are filled with people who have no education and, thus, no hope of future success.

So, I have come to realize that I may need to temper my questioning practices. Probably the rule at home should also be the rule when in polite company in a new culture. After all, it is probably more important to treat the ones I love with the same courtesy and respect that I employ with strangers, rather than less. I promise to work on it.

In the meantime, have you started working on that speech for next week?

Love, Mom